4 Ways to Practice Less Judgement & More Kindness
Let’s face the facts, humans are judgemental —good/bad or like/dislike, with lots of nuance in between. As new information comes in each day, the human mind reassesses; it’s an ongoing process of evaluating new experiences based on our values, our history, and our lifestyle preferences.
You’ll have heard it before; humans aren’t perfect. Everyone you meet will be slightly ‘imperfect’ and that’s ok! Perfection is completely unrealistic, and unattainable. We’ve identified four best practices to lessen instant judgement of others and how to live without fear of judgement.
1. Nothing lasts forever!
The reality is that the human brain has limited data reserves. Although we may make judgements, they are not significant enough to earn a place in our memory banks forever. When someone makes a judgement about you, chances are, moments or days later that judgement will have left their conscious awareness. We build up our understanding of people, not on the minor mistakes or setbacks we observe, but by creating a schema based on the big things they do and say, and the patterns of how they interact with us and make us feel over time.
2. Judgement is unavoidable.
Stop trying to control the judgements of others. It has become part of our zeitgeist to demand that others not judge us. Think about popular statements such as, “No judgements” and “This is a non-judgement zone.” None of this really helps. At the end of the day, you can’t control what others think. Maybe they won’t express their judgement, but it doesn’t mean they can stop a physiological brain process. Instead, explain the context of what you are feeling so that those you’re opening up to understand you and have compassion. Compassion is judgement’s kryptonite. When present, judgements have little weight because people can imagine themselves feeling the same way.
3. Let them judge!
It can be liberating in a relationship to just allow judgements to be present. Instead of stopping yourself from being open or vulnerable or from sharing something negative (but important about yourself), do it anyway. If you notice yourself holding back out of fear of judgement, ask yourself first: “What judgement do I fear will come from my opening up?“ and, “What is it I fear will occur if they make that particular judgement about me?” Once you identify the fear, try to reassure yourself or find a way that you could manage the fear if it did come to be. Remind yourself that close and intimate relationships deepen when people risk judgement. If this openness doesn’t happen, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done anything wrong, but it may mean the person you are working to connect with might not be ready or have the capacity for an emotionally open relationship, and that’s ok too!
4. Notice your own judgements.
There is no better way to care less about the judgements of others than to judge yourself and others less. Of course judgement is essentially unavoidable, our brains are constantly evaluating between good/bad, like/dislike etc. However you can change the language you use in your own head about the people and events in your life. Change the focus of your judgements. Move away from the “good and bad” character traits or labelling people in a certain way. Humans are highly emotional; we can become attached to the past and use these experiences to formulate judgements that stick. At the end of the day, time passes; humans adapt, we all learn & grow, feelings evolve… and isn’t it better to be living through eyes that seek to identify strengths, positivity & love rather than judgements based on fear?
So let’s flip the script; practice patience & kindness instead of judgement. Sometimes, the smallest defect turns out to be someone’s most unique feature.